Maybe It’s The Absinthe Talking

Circuses. Dancers. Hucksters, hawkers, and harlequins. All bathed in the iridescent blue-green glow of the marvelous city.
To some, cities are monuments of commerce. To others, they are monuments of freedom and escape from the drudgery, predictability and homogeneity of the place one started. For those who feel capital-D Different, cities are a refuge and a temple.
It is for this reason that so much of a city’s character in our imagine is determined by its particular flavor of avant garde: changing, impermanent, and occasionally caught in time and codified into the cannon of human expression. Greenwhich Village in the 1950s. Haight-Ashbury in the late 1960s.
Paris’ Montmartre district in the 1880s and 1890s was such a place. During those decades, an essential core of the artists who would become associated with the Post-Impressionist period took up residence, adding to a Bohemian tapestry whose decadence and creativity were fueled by a new era in public lighting and a number of prominent night clubs including the Moulin Rouge.
No artist is more connected with Montmarte in our collective consciousness than Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec. His favorite subjects were the denizens of the night, and his paintings are full of strange angles and warped lighting that capture what it might have felt like to flit through the streets of Paris drunk on Absinthe and opportunity.
I love Toulouse-Lautrec. I’ve always been interested in what lies at the very core of things and there is something captivating about the way he himself - estranged from mainstream society by an unknown genetic disorder that left him unable to grow adult-sized legs after two hip breaks in his early teens - embodied the otherness of the world he strove to depict.
When I studied art in high school, a pattern emerged again and again: I was attracted to art that was real, but in which the artist warped that reality to try to capture some underlying feeling. I especially loved it when what the artist was trying to capture was one of those feelings that, when it hits you at the right moment, seems like a secret truth, revealed after hiding in plain sight.
I remember reading about Constanin Brancusi, a Romanian-born French sculptor who worked in the early 20th century. Brancusi was obsessed with Plato - and particularly the idea of Platonic “Forms.” In Plato’s estimation, everything that existed on earth had a perfect Form from which it drew its character. So, for example, the chair you’re sitting in while reading this is simply one representation of the Platonic Form of a chair, which has all of the characteristics that any chair on earth could ever have.
In Brancusi’s view, the idea of Forms condemned representative art. If everything on earth was, already, simply a representation of something more pure and complete, why would artists strive to represent that representation? Instead, he dedicated himself to trying to represent not the version of the things he saw, but the forms from which they drew their essence.
I love this idea of Forms. Not because I think that there’s a big celestial pile of super cool stuff from which my new TV and tumbler set somehow originated, but because there is something magnificent about the idea that in each of us there is a unique essence - full of good and bad but ultimately ours all our own. This essence is the thing we get to spend our lives trying to discover, and perhaps even more wonderful, the thing we get to get to sometimes chose to share with those people around us. I wonder to what extent our most profound relationships - romantic or otherwise - are those cosmic collisions which reveal more of our essential selves to us, and even more, actually change the shape of those selves.
I like the analogy of art for the life’s work of discovering our essence. Artists strive to capture, represent, and reveal, but how easy it is for this striving to feel like an act of futility - a quest that by definition can’t be completed because of the sheer magnitude of the world’s complexity. It’s no wonder that so many are afflicted by madness.
Likewise, I’ve always been skeptical of self-help gurus who would have us believe that the act of self-discovery and self-improvement (in whatever form they’re selling) is something that can somehow be completed, rather than an ever-ongoing effort, meant to be appreciated not because it gets finished but because each progression brings its own joy and new challenges.
There is also a shared vulnerability in each of these acts. Artists not only take on the difficult work of trying to reveal the hidden; they have almost no control over how their audience will engage with their attempt. When their work leaves their hands, they are left bare, naked for all to see. Trying to truly understand oneself is by similar measure an act that requires surrendering control to the possibility that we learn something we wish we hadn’t and won’t be able, ever, to unlearn.
In the popular Eragon fantasy novels, every person has two names. They have the name that everyone knows them by, and then a true name hidden deep inside. A true name can only be spoken in the ancient, mostly forgotten language, and embodies the totality of who a person is. While much of one’s true name remains the same from birth, the way one interacts with the world can change it. Because of this, learning one’s true name is an act of deep meditation and honest reflection that few ever set out to attempt, and fewer still accomplish.
In that world, there is no more profound act of trust than to share one’s true name, for when one knows your true name, there is nothing you can hide from them. The act of sharing one’s name, like all true acts of love, is an act of ultimate terror and ultimate liberation.
One of the most common tropes of literature and film about cities is the yin and yang of being both surrounded by and connected to people and yet, somehow separate. I think this may not a truth about cities, but about life.
We are at once alone and connected in unimaginably deep ways. It is up to each of us to see this as a contradiction, or instead to choose to see it as a beautiful paradox - and a chance to learn, over and over again, how to find joy in uncovering and weaving together the stories of who we are.
Art:
Henri de Toulouse-Lautric - “In the Salon of the Rue des Moulins” - 1894
Constantin Brancusi - ”Golden Bird” - 1919/1920




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